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    Jokes and funny stories

    Jokes and funny stories welcome
    73 Al 4L5A
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    #2
    One Indian asks the other Indian: "Do you know Trump wants all foreigners out?
    "No"he says, when is Trump leaving?
    73 Al 4L5A

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      #3
      One from my side.

      A dumb blonde has a truck full of chickens...
      A man walks up to the blonde and says, "If I guess how many chickens are in your truck, can I have one?"

      The blonde then says, "Shoot, if you guess how many chickens are in my truck, you can have both of them!"

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        #4
        An old cowboy named Dick was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Colorado, when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the old cowboy, ‘If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?’
        Dick looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, ‘Sure, why not?’

        The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.

        Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with e-mail on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, ‘You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.’

        —‘That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,’ says the old cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

        Then Dick says to the young man, ‘Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?’

        The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, ‘Okay, why not?’

        —‘You’re a Congressman for the U.S Government’, says Dick.

        —Wow! That’s correct,’ says the yuppie, ‘but how did you guess that?’

        —‘No big deal.’ answered the old cowboy. ‘You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter you are than I am, and yet, you don’t know a thing about cows…this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.’‘
        73 Al 4L5A

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          #5
          An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt. So he buys a new cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he's a little worried about being replaced. He walks up to the new bird.

          "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."

          Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy.

          "You're on," he said, "and since I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy!"

          So the two roosters go over to the henhouse to start the race with all the hens gathering to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead.

          After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little -- but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young fella. By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.

          "Damn. That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."
          73 Al 4L5A

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